to kill a little time during the covid-19 shelter in place mandate, i asked the kids these questions:
Graham, age 11
Harrison, age almost 13
1. If you won a million dollars, what would you buy?
Graham: a gaming room, like Dude Perfect’s
Harrison: all the supplies I’d need to make a 14-foot scale model of New York City
2. How long does it take to get to California?
Graham: 18 hours and 15 minutes
Harrison: a good 12 hours. no, make it 16
3. What does Mom always say to you?
Graham: i love you. unload the dishwasher.
Harrison: do your school work. get in the shower. goodnight white boys.
What does Dad always say to you?
Graham: hugs and kisses. hook it.
Harrison: you gotta pay the toll. rinse your dishes. where’s the bloody ice cream?
4. What job would you like to do when you get older?
Graham: zoologist or join the air force
Harrison: mechanical or chemical engineer
5. What is the capital of the United States?
Graham: there is none 😳
Harrison: Washington DC
6. Where do babies come from?
Graham: i’m not going to answer that
Harrison: mommies and daddies
7. How old is Mom? Dad?
Graham: 43 and 42 and 9/10
Harrison: 43 and 42 (43 in July)
8. If you could change one rule our family has, what would it be?
Graham: watch tv all day for two days a week
Harrison: that you can’t punish us ever, like send us to our rooms or take away or tv time. no consequences.
Graham: there’s gotta be consequences. if there’s no consequences you won’t be a good person.
Harrison: i am a good person.
Graham: that’s because you have consequences, harrison.
9. If you could be a superhero, what superpower would you have?
Graham: invisibility and walking through things like a ghost
Harrison: teleportation or telekinesis
10. What would you do to save the planet?
Graham: have no fossil fuels
Harrison: robot domination! or everybody moves to Mars
11. If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Graham: pizza as the entree, ice cream cake for dessert, tiny pb&j sandwiches and donut holes for appetizers
Harrison: Raising Cane’s Caniac combo, and a cookie cake with frosting for dessert
12. How much does it cost to buy a house?
Graham: depends on how big the house. a million. well, is it like a mansion?
Harrison: if i had it my way it’d be a mansion and i’d get it for free. or for 3 small payments of $19.99
13. Why do you think we should be nice to each other?
Graham: because i’m a nice person
Harrison: because society says it’s mean to be rude to each other, and if you defy society they put you in jail.
Mom: guys, what about what jesus teaches about kindness?
Graham: oh yeah!
Harrison: because god says so
14. What does love mean to you?
Graham: oh gosh. um...comfort.
Harrison: kissing. kissing is associated with love. kissing is gross. therefore love is gross.
Mom: what fallacy is that?
Harrison: whole-to-part
Mom: so do you want to amend your statement?
Harrison: no
15. What are you scared of?
Graham: ocean
Harrison: being surprised from behind and failure
16. What is important to you?
Graham: my woobie (his special blanket)
Harrison: air, food, water, lola (our dog), that’s it
