quarantine questionnaire

to kill a little time during the covid-19 shelter in place mandate, i asked the kids these questions:

Graham, age 11

Harrison, age almost 13

1. If you won a million dollars, what would you buy?  

Graham: a gaming room, like Dude Perfect’s

Harrison: all the supplies I’d need to make a 14-foot scale model of New York City

2. How long does it take to get to California? 

Graham: 18 hours and 15 minutes

Harrison: a good 12 hours. no, make it 16

3. What does Mom always say to you? 

Graham: i love you. unload the dishwasher.

Harrison: do your school work. get in the shower. goodnight white boys.

What does Dad always say to you?

Graham: hugs and kisses. hook it. 

Harrison: you gotta pay the toll. rinse your dishes. where’s the bloody ice cream?

   

4. What job would you like to do when you get older?

Graham: zoologist or join the air force

Harrison: mechanical or chemical engineer

  

5. What is the capital of the United States? 

Graham: there is none 😳

Harrison: Washington DC

6. Where do babies come from?

Graham: i’m not going to answer that

Harrison: mommies and daddies 

  

7. How old is Mom? Dad?

Graham: 43 and 42 and 9/10

Harrison: 43 and 42 (43 in July)

8. If you could change one rule our family has, what would it be? 

Graham: watch tv all day for two days a week

Harrison: that you can’t punish us ever, like send us to our rooms or take away or tv time. no consequences. 

Graham: there’s gotta be consequences. if there’s no consequences you won’t be a good person. 

Harrison: i am a good person.

Graham: that’s because you have consequences, harrison. 

9. If you could be a superhero, what superpower would you have?

Graham: invisibility and walking through things like a ghost

Harrison: teleportation or telekinesis

10. What would you do to save the planet?

Graham: have no fossil fuels

Harrison: robot domination! or everybody moves to Mars

11. If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? 

Graham: pizza as the entree, ice cream cake for dessert, tiny pb&j sandwiches and donut holes for appetizers

Harrison: Raising Cane’s Caniac combo, and a cookie cake with frosting for dessert

12. How much does it cost to buy a house?

Graham: depends on how big the house. a million. well, is it like a mansion? 

Harrison: if i had it my way it’d be a mansion and i’d get it for free. or for 3 small payments of $19.99

13. Why do you think we should be nice to each other? 

Graham: because i’m a nice person

Harrison: because society says it’s mean to be rude to each other, and if you defy society they put you in jail. 

Mom: guys, what about what jesus teaches about kindness?

Graham: oh yeah!

Harrison: because god says so

14. What does love mean to you?

Graham: oh gosh. um...comfort. 

Harrison: kissing. kissing is associated with love. kissing is gross. therefore love is gross. 

Mom: what fallacy is that? 

Harrison: whole-to-part

Mom: so do you want to amend your statement? 

Harrison: no

15. What are you scared of? 

Graham: ocean

Harrison: being surprised from behind and failure

16. What is important to you? 

Graham: my woobie (his special blanket)

Harrison: air, food, water, lola (our dog), that’s it