after sara gave me the word "hypersensitivity", i began to google. (i love that "google" has become a verb, by the way.) it took a few days to find any useful information because i wasn't sure exactly what i was looking for and, therefore, wasn't typing in good search criteria. hypersensitive + disney movies = 0 search results.
as i was clicking on different links, though, i began to notice a trend - the words "sensory" and "sensory input" kept popping up. eventually i found a sensory checklist and began tallying...
1) becomes fearful or anxious with light or unexpected touch
2) complains about having hair brushed
3) is a picky eater
4) gets motion sickness
5) loves pushing/pulling/dragging objects
6) chews on pens, straws, shirt sleeves etc.
7) fearful of the sound of a flushing toilet (especially in public
bathrooms)
8) constantly putting objects in mouth past the toddler years
9) sensitive to bright lights
10) prefers playing by self with objects or toys rather than with people
as you read through that list of ten items what do you think? not too much out of the ordinary, really. i'm sure many children complain about having their hair brushed at one time or another. i know lots of other kids (including graham) who cover their ears when a public toilet is flushed (those things are loud, man!). i imagine every boy on the planet loves to push, pull and drag heavy objects. i, myself, am sensitive to bright light and rarely go out under the colorado sun without protection on my eyes.
i added up my tally marks and counted. ten out of 100 or so isn't so bad, right? was my thought at the time. the checklist didn't make me worry or cause immediate panic (which i'm known to do with very little provocation), it just gave me insight and armed me with descriptive words so i could ask more questions.
my next step was to email harrison's preschool teacher. many of you know about harrison's (and, now, graham's) awesome preschool, but i'll just highlight the details. fletcher miller is a public k-12 school for kids with special needs. they offer a 3 & 4 year old preschool program that integrates typical kids with special needs kids. it's pretty amazing. the typical kids are called peer models and they are there for that exact reason - to be a model for their peers. one of harrison's friends from preschool was zak, a sweet blonde-haired boy with cerebral palsy who mostly communicates with an ipad. harrison frequently talked about how he wanted to "wear glasses because zak does" and "have a wheel chair like zak does". i love that my boys have some friends who are more like them, some who are less like them, but they are all still friends! in fact, i've noticed graham discriminates between the boys and the girls ("mommy, i don't like girls because they like pink and purple and princesses") but i've never heard him distinguish the typical and the special.
all that to say, the unique nature of our preschool provided for interaction with lots of different therapists. speech, occupational and physical therapists, as well as special needs teachers, saw harrison each and every day yet no one noticed anything about him that warranted a conversation with me.
so i emailed "teacher mary" (this was back in july). i mentioned the lion king experience and the checklist and asked for her advice. her response was very helpful as she encouraged me to trust my mommy instinct. but then she wrote this:
"it will be difficult to find an evaluator who knows
enough about sensory issues as harrison has been around therapists who know
LOTS about sensory issues and who noticed he has some quirks but
didn't think it was anything that would require intervention. so make
sure that you find a good evaluator."
she confirmed exactly what i was already thinking - i should go ahead and seek out evaluation but how in the world will i ever find someone who can determine harrison's issues if all these other therapists weren't able to?
that was the next step.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
a list of random things
1) the election. this is what i know: 1) i'm thankful it's over! 2) everything happens for a reason! are you getting tired of me saying that yet? 3) our election process sucks. sorry if that word offends anyone but, really, it sucks. if i could have my way i would change a few things...
- nominees are each allowed 10 million in campaign contributions.
- funds raised above that cap go directly to paying down our debt, boosting social security, ending poverty in america, etc.
- let's see how those candidates really can operate within a budget!
- excepting debates, ALL television air time concerning the campaign is eliminated. no ads, no interviews, no guest spots on saturday night live.
- no paper ads in my mailbox either.
- each candidate is allowed an interview with one reporter from each reputable national newspaper.
- if they want to reach voters who don't read newspapers they have to use their 10 million and get creative.
- let's see how resourceful those candidates can be!
- during debates if the nominees go over their allotted time the microphone automatically turns off so we cannot hear the rest of what they are saying. my friend jillynn mentioned this idea on facebook (hi jillynn! good idea!)
- so that's it. 10 million. televised debates. newspaper articles. no hanky panky. wouldn't that be so much better?
2) thank you so very, very much for all the words of encouragement with regard to this blog and the things i write. thank you for your prayers! thanks for investing the time to read and learn (along with me) more about sensory processing disorder. your support makes me feel stronger and more assured about this "great adventure", as my friend amy put it. most of all, thanks for loving this cutie patootie...
3) this picture was taken at a local apple orchard about a month ago. our family went there for homeschool "a is for apple" week. i'll have to do a whole post on it and share more pictures. it was fun!
4) just because i am serious in writing about our journey with spd does not mean i will stop addressing the hilarious things that happen in our home. after all, what would life be without a little laughter? and, boy, does this family provide me with content! just this morning both boys climbed in bed with us and, out of the blue, one of them casually said "my winky just keeps on standing up straight". people, i couldn't make this stuff up if i tried! i've been thinking we should change our last name to winky so this blog could officially become what's up at the winky house!
5) i made pepperoni pizza burgers for dinner last night. oh holy lord! they are not remotely close to being healthy - i'm sure jer's cholesterol went up 100 points - but whatever the consequences it was worth it!
6) our friend leslie took our annual family christmas card photos last sunday afternoon. i haven't seen the results yet but i'm crossing my fingers for just one good one. i love sending christmas cards mostly because i love receiving them but every year after christmas i wonder if i shouldn't have taken the money spent on cards (and postage!) and donated it to a worthwhile cause instead. interestingly, one of leslie's clients is heifer international. i'm toying with the idea of doing a paperless card for 2012 and buying some chicks and ducks and geese...better scurry when i take you out in my surrey. when i take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top! oh, hang on, i got side tracked. you can't sing in high school show choir, and then live in oklahoma for ten years, without breaking out into the occasional musical number from ooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...
7) i think that's all i got for today. as harrison says, "adios french toast"!
- nominees are each allowed 10 million in campaign contributions.
- funds raised above that cap go directly to paying down our debt, boosting social security, ending poverty in america, etc.
- let's see how those candidates really can operate within a budget!
- excepting debates, ALL television air time concerning the campaign is eliminated. no ads, no interviews, no guest spots on saturday night live.
- no paper ads in my mailbox either.
- each candidate is allowed an interview with one reporter from each reputable national newspaper.
- if they want to reach voters who don't read newspapers they have to use their 10 million and get creative.
- let's see how resourceful those candidates can be!
- during debates if the nominees go over their allotted time the microphone automatically turns off so we cannot hear the rest of what they are saying. my friend jillynn mentioned this idea on facebook (hi jillynn! good idea!)
- so that's it. 10 million. televised debates. newspaper articles. no hanky panky. wouldn't that be so much better?
2) thank you so very, very much for all the words of encouragement with regard to this blog and the things i write. thank you for your prayers! thanks for investing the time to read and learn (along with me) more about sensory processing disorder. your support makes me feel stronger and more assured about this "great adventure", as my friend amy put it. most of all, thanks for loving this cutie patootie...
3) this picture was taken at a local apple orchard about a month ago. our family went there for homeschool "a is for apple" week. i'll have to do a whole post on it and share more pictures. it was fun!
4) just because i am serious in writing about our journey with spd does not mean i will stop addressing the hilarious things that happen in our home. after all, what would life be without a little laughter? and, boy, does this family provide me with content! just this morning both boys climbed in bed with us and, out of the blue, one of them casually said "my winky just keeps on standing up straight". people, i couldn't make this stuff up if i tried! i've been thinking we should change our last name to winky so this blog could officially become what's up at the winky house!
5) i made pepperoni pizza burgers for dinner last night. oh holy lord! they are not remotely close to being healthy - i'm sure jer's cholesterol went up 100 points - but whatever the consequences it was worth it!
6) our friend leslie took our annual family christmas card photos last sunday afternoon. i haven't seen the results yet but i'm crossing my fingers for just one good one. i love sending christmas cards mostly because i love receiving them but every year after christmas i wonder if i shouldn't have taken the money spent on cards (and postage!) and donated it to a worthwhile cause instead. interestingly, one of leslie's clients is heifer international. i'm toying with the idea of doing a paperless card for 2012 and buying some chicks and ducks and geese...better scurry when i take you out in my surrey. when i take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top! oh, hang on, i got side tracked. you can't sing in high school show choir, and then live in oklahoma for ten years, without breaking out into the occasional musical number from ooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...
7) i think that's all i got for today. as harrison says, "adios french toast"!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
why we homeschool
i mentioned yesterday that i believe things happen for a reason. homeschooling definitely falls under that category.
there have been many times, during many conversations, when i have declared - shouted from the rooftops, even - I WILL NEVER HOMESCHOOL MY CHILDREN! back before my horizons were broadened by motherhood i made other naive declarations. my children will never talk back to me like that and my children will never ride in those germ-infested car carts at the grocery store are just two off the cuff examples.
here's what enlightenment has taught me: never say never.
kindergarten is a tough nut to crack in our area. that is if you don't want to attend your neighborhood school. and, for a handful of reasons, we do not care for our neighborhood school. but colorado's school system has options. as residents we can "choice enroll" into any school. names are added to a waiting list on a first-come-first-served basis. if the school has space available after all the neighborhood children have been accounted for, they will offer your child a spot. the first round of choice enrollment begins on the first day back to school after christmas break. so on january 4th of last year (seven months before harrison would start kindergarten!), first thing in the morning, i was driving around town dropping off enrollment forms at four area schools.
prior to choice enrollment, back before christmas break began, we registered for the lottery at one other school. this particular school made no apologies about their rigorous academics and i knew my smarty pants boy would thrive in that environment. it is not a neighborhood school so every kindergarten spot they had, which were filled by random drawing, were open to kids who wanted to choice in. the parent meeting i attended - one of three - hosted approximately 200 moms and dads with high hopes of having their number drawn.
needless to say, we did not win the lottery. nor did we receive phone calls from any of the four neighborhood schools where i dropped an application. further, both cost and distance were deterrents from pursuing private education at the two christian schools we reviewed. suddenly, in a state that boasts so many options i was feeling like i didn't have any!
and that, my friends, is how we stumbled and fell into homeschooling.
here's the thing, though: i whole-heartedly believe it was god's plan for me to homeschool harrison this year.
BUT HE HAD TO TAKE AWAY EVERY OTHER OPTION BEFORE I FIGURED THAT OUT!
i'm stubborn like that.
so if everything happens for a reason...we didn't get into any schools because we were supposed to homeschool...we were supposed to homeschool because...during the summer before kindergarten, harrison's sensory issues would come to light...and when his issues would come to light homeschooling would provided lots of flexibility with regard to treatment opportunities.
that's reason enough for me but i have a feeling we'll continue to discover more reasons for homeschooling as our school year and spd journey progress. when i do, i'll thank god for his amazing foresight, provision, and his detailed option-removal plan.
there have been many times, during many conversations, when i have declared - shouted from the rooftops, even - I WILL NEVER HOMESCHOOL MY CHILDREN! back before my horizons were broadened by motherhood i made other naive declarations. my children will never talk back to me like that and my children will never ride in those germ-infested car carts at the grocery store are just two off the cuff examples.
here's what enlightenment has taught me: never say never.
kindergarten is a tough nut to crack in our area. that is if you don't want to attend your neighborhood school. and, for a handful of reasons, we do not care for our neighborhood school. but colorado's school system has options. as residents we can "choice enroll" into any school. names are added to a waiting list on a first-come-first-served basis. if the school has space available after all the neighborhood children have been accounted for, they will offer your child a spot. the first round of choice enrollment begins on the first day back to school after christmas break. so on january 4th of last year (seven months before harrison would start kindergarten!), first thing in the morning, i was driving around town dropping off enrollment forms at four area schools.
prior to choice enrollment, back before christmas break began, we registered for the lottery at one other school. this particular school made no apologies about their rigorous academics and i knew my smarty pants boy would thrive in that environment. it is not a neighborhood school so every kindergarten spot they had, which were filled by random drawing, were open to kids who wanted to choice in. the parent meeting i attended - one of three - hosted approximately 200 moms and dads with high hopes of having their number drawn.
needless to say, we did not win the lottery. nor did we receive phone calls from any of the four neighborhood schools where i dropped an application. further, both cost and distance were deterrents from pursuing private education at the two christian schools we reviewed. suddenly, in a state that boasts so many options i was feeling like i didn't have any!
and that, my friends, is how we stumbled and fell into homeschooling.
here's the thing, though: i whole-heartedly believe it was god's plan for me to homeschool harrison this year.
BUT HE HAD TO TAKE AWAY EVERY OTHER OPTION BEFORE I FIGURED THAT OUT!
i'm stubborn like that.
so if everything happens for a reason...we didn't get into any schools because we were supposed to homeschool...we were supposed to homeschool because...during the summer before kindergarten, harrison's sensory issues would come to light...and when his issues would come to light homeschooling would provided lots of flexibility with regard to treatment opportunities.
that's reason enough for me but i have a feeling we'll continue to discover more reasons for homeschooling as our school year and spd journey progress. when i do, i'll thank god for his amazing foresight, provision, and his detailed option-removal plan.
Monday, November 5, 2012
it all began with the lion king
here at the white house we have plenty of screen time.
jeremy loves computers. he works on them all day long only to come home and tinker with them all night. i love television and would love nothing more than a constant stream of food network or hgtv playing in the background of my life. it is for that reason i cancelled our dish network service in may of last year. it was just too tempting for me to turn the tube on, sit down, and...become a boob.
sidenote: jeremy and i went out of town back in august and stayed in a hotel for the weekend. i watched the food network for the first time in more than a year and it felt like i was seeing my old friends - oh, giada! ina! i missed you so! thank you so much for being my pals during those early years of mommyhood when i was nursing babies and chasing toddlers - i couldn't have done it without you. i'm sorry i had to quit you but i'll always remember our times together fondly!
ok, moving on...
consequentially, our boys don't watch much actual television. they do, however, have access to loads of videos either downloaded from the interwebs or borrowed from the library. they began watching baby einstein videos before they turned one. those held their attention for a good year or so and then we moved on to more "mature" cartoons - curious george, thomas the tank engine, and little bear are still favorites around here.
so the 30 minute video format was a hit with harrison but it was probably around age 3 1/2 when i realized he had never watched anything longer. at some point i believe we tried to watch a couple disney movies. i'm not recalling exactly which ones, nor do i remember his precise reaction to them. i know he didn't seem to like them and we turned them off. i DO remember it was at age 4 when harrison's preschool teacher told me the class was going to watch the movie cinderella for "prince and princess" day at school and i explained to her that harrison does not like movies and he may get scared and not want to watch it.
now, at age 5 1/2, i can count on two hands the number of movies we've seen:
cars
winnie the pooh
the tigger movie
horton hears a who
lady and the tramp
the old 1970's disney robinhood movie
other than this list, any movie we've attempted to watch has been abruptly stopped. in fact, even in the few we've actually seen, there were points when we had to fast forward because it was too scary for harrison.
and then there was the lion king.
this past summer, for some hair-brained reason, i decided it would be a good idea to have "family movie night" and watch the lion king. i thought if we popped some corn, dimmed the lights, cuddled as a family and ate some m&ms harrison would enjoy the experience. what was supposed to be a fun family time turned dark very quickly.
within 15 minutes of showtime harrison was 1) hiding behind a chair 2) wailing 3) begging for us to turn the movie off.
the hyenas had scared him.
i pulled him into my lap, dried his tears and tried to get his breathing regulated. then, for better or worse, i calmly explained that we were going to finish watching the whole show.
then scar tried to have simba killed. mufasa rescued simba. mufasa died.
harrison, who never really did stop crying, began wailing again. my poor boy.
the rest of the movie continued on just like that. he hesitantly giggled once or twice at timon and pumba, but most of the movie was spent crying and fast forwarding.
when it was finished harrison went straight to bed and asked me to come sleep with him.
i knew this.was.not.normal.
after relaying this story and expressing my bewilderment, my sweet friend sara suggested i look into hypersensitivity. not OVER sensitive. HYPER sensitive. it was her highly intuitive advice that led me to research and, eventually, find sensory processing disorder.
the long and short of it is this: i HATE that harrison was traumatized because of a decision i made to force him to watch the lion king. BUT without having witnessed such a visceral reaction on his part, i never would have been concerned enough to mention it to my friends...and sara never would have suggested hypersensitivity...and i never would have figured out that there is an actual reason for what i always simply brushed aside as harrison's sweet little quirks.
it is my hope, as i continue documenting this journey, that you are able to see how everything really does happen for a reason.
for today, though, i'll close by saying thank you, disney, for scaring the crap out of my little boy. i'll be forever grateful.
**updated to add i have submitted this post to the spd blogger network
jeremy loves computers. he works on them all day long only to come home and tinker with them all night. i love television and would love nothing more than a constant stream of food network or hgtv playing in the background of my life. it is for that reason i cancelled our dish network service in may of last year. it was just too tempting for me to turn the tube on, sit down, and...become a boob.
sidenote: jeremy and i went out of town back in august and stayed in a hotel for the weekend. i watched the food network for the first time in more than a year and it felt like i was seeing my old friends - oh, giada! ina! i missed you so! thank you so much for being my pals during those early years of mommyhood when i was nursing babies and chasing toddlers - i couldn't have done it without you. i'm sorry i had to quit you but i'll always remember our times together fondly!
ok, moving on...
consequentially, our boys don't watch much actual television. they do, however, have access to loads of videos either downloaded from the interwebs or borrowed from the library. they began watching baby einstein videos before they turned one. those held their attention for a good year or so and then we moved on to more "mature" cartoons - curious george, thomas the tank engine, and little bear are still favorites around here.
so the 30 minute video format was a hit with harrison but it was probably around age 3 1/2 when i realized he had never watched anything longer. at some point i believe we tried to watch a couple disney movies. i'm not recalling exactly which ones, nor do i remember his precise reaction to them. i know he didn't seem to like them and we turned them off. i DO remember it was at age 4 when harrison's preschool teacher told me the class was going to watch the movie cinderella for "prince and princess" day at school and i explained to her that harrison does not like movies and he may get scared and not want to watch it.
now, at age 5 1/2, i can count on two hands the number of movies we've seen:
cars
winnie the pooh
the tigger movie
horton hears a who
lady and the tramp
the old 1970's disney robinhood movie
other than this list, any movie we've attempted to watch has been abruptly stopped. in fact, even in the few we've actually seen, there were points when we had to fast forward because it was too scary for harrison.
and then there was the lion king.
this past summer, for some hair-brained reason, i decided it would be a good idea to have "family movie night" and watch the lion king. i thought if we popped some corn, dimmed the lights, cuddled as a family and ate some m&ms harrison would enjoy the experience. what was supposed to be a fun family time turned dark very quickly.
within 15 minutes of showtime harrison was 1) hiding behind a chair 2) wailing 3) begging for us to turn the movie off.
the hyenas had scared him.
i pulled him into my lap, dried his tears and tried to get his breathing regulated. then, for better or worse, i calmly explained that we were going to finish watching the whole show.
then scar tried to have simba killed. mufasa rescued simba. mufasa died.
harrison, who never really did stop crying, began wailing again. my poor boy.
the rest of the movie continued on just like that. he hesitantly giggled once or twice at timon and pumba, but most of the movie was spent crying and fast forwarding.
when it was finished harrison went straight to bed and asked me to come sleep with him.
i knew this.was.not.normal.
after relaying this story and expressing my bewilderment, my sweet friend sara suggested i look into hypersensitivity. not OVER sensitive. HYPER sensitive. it was her highly intuitive advice that led me to research and, eventually, find sensory processing disorder.
the long and short of it is this: i HATE that harrison was traumatized because of a decision i made to force him to watch the lion king. BUT without having witnessed such a visceral reaction on his part, i never would have been concerned enough to mention it to my friends...and sara never would have suggested hypersensitivity...and i never would have figured out that there is an actual reason for what i always simply brushed aside as harrison's sweet little quirks.
it is my hope, as i continue documenting this journey, that you are able to see how everything really does happen for a reason.
for today, though, i'll close by saying thank you, disney, for scaring the crap out of my little boy. i'll be forever grateful.
**updated to add i have submitted this post to the spd blogger network
Saturday, November 3, 2012
the reason i write - sensory processing disorder
i did not have an opportunity to write yesterday because we had a visitor in the afternoon. our new friend, juliana, comes to play with us each friday. juliana is an occupational therapist and our play times with her are therapy for harrison. more on that in a bit.
the reason i felt the urge to begin blogging again is complex. i enjoy writing. i enjoy writing daily. it is somewhat of a creative outlet for me. i typically write for the 30 minutes or so that the boys are in room time and that mid-day escape does wonders for my emotional state as the afternoon progresses.
more than that, i love chronicling our lives. for quite some time facebook became an outlet for recording the "status" in the white family but this blog is a better venue for remembering the details. i may, at some point, go back and review the funnier status updates from the past year or so and attempt to tell the story behind them. i have come to realize i have a very poor memory. i claim "baby brain" although i'm not certain it can solely be blamed on that. i often wonder if it has to do with battling migraine headaches for more than 25 years. whatever the case, i need all the help i can get in the remembering department. writing out the details seems to benefit me.
mostly, though, as we are now adjusting to new information concerning our son, i wanted a place to process it all, to share with others who are going through similar circumstances, possibly to enlighten those who aren't in similar circumstances, a way of documenting where harrison currently is in hopes of one day seeing how far he has come, and a space to keep our family (and friends) apprised.
so, this all begs the question "what is going on with harrison?"
in mid september our sweet boy was evaluated and it was determined that he has sensory processing disorder. i am still learning about spd but here's how one website explains it: "humans receive and perceive sensory input through sights, sounds, touches, tastes, smells, movement and balance, body position and muscle control. difficulty taking in, or interpreting, this input can lead to devastating consequences with regard to interaction with others, daily functions, social and family relationships, behavioral challenges, regulating emotions, self-esteem and learning." (http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/)
that's a mouthful. basically, harrison's little body (specifically his central nervous system?? i'm still learning) has to work harder than normal. and because his body is focusing so much on functioning at a basic level (actually, it's not a basic level. it's an incredibly-complicated, masterfully-designed, intricately-working, hard-to-understand-how-the-human-body-is-able-to-do-so-much-at-one-time-without-even-being-aware-we-are-doing-it level) he has a tougher time doing higher level activities such as interacting with others and regulating his emotions. i will get more specific about all this in separate posts.
like autism, spd is a spectrum disorder. harrison would be considered high-functioning. as his proud mama, i would say he is very high functioning. :-) this, of course, is good news! and i am thankful for it! but my heart is still heavy and my eyes still get teary as we negotiate this path. my emotion comes from wanting the best for my son. not wanting him to have to struggle. not wanting him to have to work so dang hard to just be a kid. trying to determine the best therapy. trying to pay for it. managing the guilt. loving my precious boy unconditionally. looking at him without picking out his weaknesses (just being honest). seeing him for the amazing boy that he is just.as.he.is.
it's an emotional journey.
as i mentioned at the top, harrison has started weekly speech and occupational therapy. again, i'll detail this more later. he isn't aware that it is therapy. well, he may be aware on some level, but we don't call it therapy. we call juliana our friend. she is a super fun grown-up who comes to the house to play with him. it's pretty special.
sigh. i'm a bit drained from having actually written this out so i think i'll close for now. i am grateful, though, for the platform and ability to write my thoughts and feelings. this is MY therapy.
thank you for reading.
the reason i felt the urge to begin blogging again is complex. i enjoy writing. i enjoy writing daily. it is somewhat of a creative outlet for me. i typically write for the 30 minutes or so that the boys are in room time and that mid-day escape does wonders for my emotional state as the afternoon progresses.
more than that, i love chronicling our lives. for quite some time facebook became an outlet for recording the "status" in the white family but this blog is a better venue for remembering the details. i may, at some point, go back and review the funnier status updates from the past year or so and attempt to tell the story behind them. i have come to realize i have a very poor memory. i claim "baby brain" although i'm not certain it can solely be blamed on that. i often wonder if it has to do with battling migraine headaches for more than 25 years. whatever the case, i need all the help i can get in the remembering department. writing out the details seems to benefit me.
mostly, though, as we are now adjusting to new information concerning our son, i wanted a place to process it all, to share with others who are going through similar circumstances, possibly to enlighten those who aren't in similar circumstances, a way of documenting where harrison currently is in hopes of one day seeing how far he has come, and a space to keep our family (and friends) apprised.
so, this all begs the question "what is going on with harrison?"
in mid september our sweet boy was evaluated and it was determined that he has sensory processing disorder. i am still learning about spd but here's how one website explains it: "humans receive and perceive sensory input through sights, sounds, touches, tastes, smells, movement and balance, body position and muscle control. difficulty taking in, or interpreting, this input can lead to devastating consequences with regard to interaction with others, daily functions, social and family relationships, behavioral challenges, regulating emotions, self-esteem and learning." (http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/)
that's a mouthful. basically, harrison's little body (specifically his central nervous system?? i'm still learning) has to work harder than normal. and because his body is focusing so much on functioning at a basic level (actually, it's not a basic level. it's an incredibly-complicated, masterfully-designed, intricately-working, hard-to-understand-how-the-human-body-is-able-to-do-so-much-at-one-time-without-even-being-aware-we-are-doing-it level) he has a tougher time doing higher level activities such as interacting with others and regulating his emotions. i will get more specific about all this in separate posts.
like autism, spd is a spectrum disorder. harrison would be considered high-functioning. as his proud mama, i would say he is very high functioning. :-) this, of course, is good news! and i am thankful for it! but my heart is still heavy and my eyes still get teary as we negotiate this path. my emotion comes from wanting the best for my son. not wanting him to have to struggle. not wanting him to have to work so dang hard to just be a kid. trying to determine the best therapy. trying to pay for it. managing the guilt. loving my precious boy unconditionally. looking at him without picking out his weaknesses (just being honest). seeing him for the amazing boy that he is just.as.he.is.
it's an emotional journey.
as i mentioned at the top, harrison has started weekly speech and occupational therapy. again, i'll detail this more later. he isn't aware that it is therapy. well, he may be aware on some level, but we don't call it therapy. we call juliana our friend. she is a super fun grown-up who comes to the house to play with him. it's pretty special.
sigh. i'm a bit drained from having actually written this out so i think i'll close for now. i am grateful, though, for the platform and ability to write my thoughts and feelings. this is MY therapy.
thank you for reading.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
one of my very best friends
a couple days ago i mentioned we were picking up a friend at the airport. andrea, one of my oldest and dearest friends, flew into town from kansas city last saturday morning. she left behind her husband, four children and full-time job because i sent out a distress signal. it went something like "i'm a desperate housewife with a mundane life, please save me from myself". and she came running (flying) like any good friend would.
i planned a very low-key girls night in, kicked my husband and two children out of the house and invited a bunch of sister chicks over for snacks and drinks. it was a fun break from the ordinary. as i told the girls, i just needed a time-out from giving time-outs. of course we still ended up mostly talking about our children. it seems that even though we need some distance from them, the little munchkins are never far from our thoughts and certainly never out of our hearts. mamas tend to live and breathe their babies. i'm no exception.
the rest of the weekend andrea and i managed to go to whole foods, the mall, pei wei, ikea, michael's, whole foods again, and target. that's more shopping in 24 hours than i typically do in a month. andrea brought a huge duffle bag full of hand-me-down clothes that her sons have outgrown. we emptied it out and she filled that sucker right back up with the weekend's purchases. if there was an award for packing skills andrea would win hands down! she would win lots of other awards, too - "most able to do ten things at one time", "most creative", "most able to maintain long distance friendships", "fastest talker", "amazing mom", "most able to balance work life and home life and social life and married life...". i could go on.
but the best thing about my friendship with andrea is this: i can tell her anything - and i mean anything - things i wouldn't tell anyone else (except jer) and she does not judge or condemn or laugh in my face or talk behind my back. she listens. she commiserates. she advises. she shares in my joys and trials and walks through them right along side me. she can be honest and direct with me - tell me i was wrong in the way i handled something or encourage me when i've done well or call me out on my b.s. - all without fear of losing the friendship. and i can do the same for her.
it is incredibly rare when you feel safe enough in a relationship to reveal your unedited, authentic self. especially, i've found, among women. so i feel richly blessed and deeply thankful to have found a trusted friend with whom i can share life's crazy journeys.
thanks, ani d, for setting aside your responsibilities for a weekend to come rescue me from mine! i love you, dear friend!
i planned a very low-key girls night in, kicked my husband and two children out of the house and invited a bunch of sister chicks over for snacks and drinks. it was a fun break from the ordinary. as i told the girls, i just needed a time-out from giving time-outs. of course we still ended up mostly talking about our children. it seems that even though we need some distance from them, the little munchkins are never far from our thoughts and certainly never out of our hearts. mamas tend to live and breathe their babies. i'm no exception.
the rest of the weekend andrea and i managed to go to whole foods, the mall, pei wei, ikea, michael's, whole foods again, and target. that's more shopping in 24 hours than i typically do in a month. andrea brought a huge duffle bag full of hand-me-down clothes that her sons have outgrown. we emptied it out and she filled that sucker right back up with the weekend's purchases. if there was an award for packing skills andrea would win hands down! she would win lots of other awards, too - "most able to do ten things at one time", "most creative", "most able to maintain long distance friendships", "fastest talker", "amazing mom", "most able to balance work life and home life and social life and married life...". i could go on.
but the best thing about my friendship with andrea is this: i can tell her anything - and i mean anything - things i wouldn't tell anyone else (except jer) and she does not judge or condemn or laugh in my face or talk behind my back. she listens. she commiserates. she advises. she shares in my joys and trials and walks through them right along side me. she can be honest and direct with me - tell me i was wrong in the way i handled something or encourage me when i've done well or call me out on my b.s. - all without fear of losing the friendship. and i can do the same for her.
it is incredibly rare when you feel safe enough in a relationship to reveal your unedited, authentic self. especially, i've found, among women. so i feel richly blessed and deeply thankful to have found a trusted friend with whom i can share life's crazy journeys.
thanks, ani d, for setting aside your responsibilities for a weekend to come rescue me from mine! i love you, dear friend!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
even more car conversations
i promise this post isn't about winkys. there's only so much of that a person can handle. i should know. so no more winky talk around here. today i'm moving on to a much more appropriate topic.
(drum roll please)
drugs.
you heard me. my children are learning all kinds of valuable tidbits here at the white house. and i run an anti-discrimination household. no topic is off limits. clearly.
now that harrison can read he provides a running commentary during road trips.
"mommy, that sign says speed limit 40 but you are going 45"
"right lane must turn right"
"watch for bikes"
"no u-turn"
"stop"
and one that doesn't actually need the ability to read...
"mommy, when the light turns yellow it means slow down but you went faster."
the little rascal thinks he knows everything.
a couple weeks ago, however, he read a sign and needed help figuring out the meaning.
"mommy, what's MMJ?"
seriously? couldn't he have skipped over that one? lord help me.
i took a deep breath and explained that the letters in the sign were short for the bigger words Medical Mari Juana but did not elaborate further. thankfully, his curiosity was satisfied. no doubt he filed that info away in his ever-expanding file cabinet of a brain and will pull it out when we least expect it. probably at church. the pastor will say, "hi harrison, good to see you today" and harrison will respond back, "MMJ means medical mari juana." yup. i'd bet money on it.
a few days later, as we were driving to the library, we had another drug related incident. i was stopped at a red light (i slowed for the yellow, thank you very much) and a bass-booming car pulled up to the right of us. i looked at the driver, he looked at me, i looked away. you know how that goes. but then, in my peripheral vision, i noticed he was getting jumpy. he kept inching forward and revving his engine. i looked over at him again and could not believe what i saw.
the driver had a glass pipe in his mouth, had a piece of tin foil in his left hand and was holding a lighter under the foil with his right hand.
he was smoking meth.
while in a car.
while driving a car.
i was stunned.
what do i do? should i mind my own business? should i call the police? should i call 911? should i call the non-emergency line? look at his license plate! get the number! look at his car! what's the make, model, color?! my mind was RACING! almost as fast as he was when the light finally turned green.
i did end up calling 911. (when have i ever minded my own business?) i was able to give them our location, which direction he was headed and all the descriptive info i could remember. i have no idea if they were able to find him - i highly doubt it. maybe it wasn't even worth their time to try.
this is what i do know - that experience left me rattled and i had lots to process afterwards. i can understand a drug habit. i really can. i personally don't think i will ever struggle with that particular addiction but i do have addictions to coffee, sugar, and in earlier life i used lying to get me through emotionally difficult times. so, on some level, i get it.
BUT.
how absolutely idiotic does someone have to be to smoke meth while operating a motor vehicle?
it's hard for me to answer that question. just as it was hard to answer harrison's many questions after i hung up with the 911 dispatcher. i did my best, which is all i can do in any situation.
my only hope is that my boy's curiosities about life's tougher subjects continue to be satisfied in a way that maintains their innocence (not ignorance) and optimism for a long, long time.
oh man.
i think i'd rather go back to talking about winkys.
(drum roll please)
drugs.
you heard me. my children are learning all kinds of valuable tidbits here at the white house. and i run an anti-discrimination household. no topic is off limits. clearly.
now that harrison can read he provides a running commentary during road trips.
"mommy, that sign says speed limit 40 but you are going 45"
"right lane must turn right"
"watch for bikes"
"no u-turn"
"stop"
and one that doesn't actually need the ability to read...
"mommy, when the light turns yellow it means slow down but you went faster."
the little rascal thinks he knows everything.
a couple weeks ago, however, he read a sign and needed help figuring out the meaning.
"mommy, what's MMJ?"
seriously? couldn't he have skipped over that one? lord help me.
i took a deep breath and explained that the letters in the sign were short for the bigger words Medical Mari Juana but did not elaborate further. thankfully, his curiosity was satisfied. no doubt he filed that info away in his ever-expanding file cabinet of a brain and will pull it out when we least expect it. probably at church. the pastor will say, "hi harrison, good to see you today" and harrison will respond back, "MMJ means medical mari juana." yup. i'd bet money on it.
a few days later, as we were driving to the library, we had another drug related incident. i was stopped at a red light (i slowed for the yellow, thank you very much) and a bass-booming car pulled up to the right of us. i looked at the driver, he looked at me, i looked away. you know how that goes. but then, in my peripheral vision, i noticed he was getting jumpy. he kept inching forward and revving his engine. i looked over at him again and could not believe what i saw.
the driver had a glass pipe in his mouth, had a piece of tin foil in his left hand and was holding a lighter under the foil with his right hand.
he was smoking meth.
while in a car.
while driving a car.
i was stunned.
what do i do? should i mind my own business? should i call the police? should i call 911? should i call the non-emergency line? look at his license plate! get the number! look at his car! what's the make, model, color?! my mind was RACING! almost as fast as he was when the light finally turned green.
i did end up calling 911. (when have i ever minded my own business?) i was able to give them our location, which direction he was headed and all the descriptive info i could remember. i have no idea if they were able to find him - i highly doubt it. maybe it wasn't even worth their time to try.
this is what i do know - that experience left me rattled and i had lots to process afterwards. i can understand a drug habit. i really can. i personally don't think i will ever struggle with that particular addiction but i do have addictions to coffee, sugar, and in earlier life i used lying to get me through emotionally difficult times. so, on some level, i get it.
BUT.
how absolutely idiotic does someone have to be to smoke meth while operating a motor vehicle?
it's hard for me to answer that question. just as it was hard to answer harrison's many questions after i hung up with the 911 dispatcher. i did my best, which is all i can do in any situation.
my only hope is that my boy's curiosities about life's tougher subjects continue to be satisfied in a way that maintains their innocence (not ignorance) and optimism for a long, long time.
oh man.
i think i'd rather go back to talking about winkys.
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