my oldest boy and i snuggled together this morning, taking turns sneezing and wiping sleep from our eyes. he watched cartoons, i sipped coffee. he wiggled around, taking his time getting situated and comfortable. he rested his head on my chest then slid down to lay his head on my hip. he rearranged my arms and placed them where he wanted them, where they felt best. he fidgeted with my fingers. he told me to squeeze him harder. i stayed there with him and complied.
cuddles aren't his favorite thing. typically i ask him for a hug or say "do you want to snuggle with me" and let him decide whether to oblige. i can get away with a pat on his back or a kiss on the top of his head but prolonged affection is not a regular occurrence.
but this morning there was no asking.
he simply sat down next to me and leaned in.
he offered himself.
all i had to do was open my arms to accept the gift.
.............
the truth is i've gotten plenty of snuggles from this boy; enough that i don't feel deprived or like a part of our relationship is lacking. but still, i do not ever take them for granted. i'm keenly aware in those moments that cuddling with this kid is a privilege.
it's because he trusts me.
he feels comfortable being himself with me.
i feel honored.
..............
this summer is the two year anniversary of harrison's graduation from STAR center. this is what i wrote about the one year anniversary.
you may have noticed, i've stopped blogging about sensory processing disorder. it's been a purposeful decision. it's one part because there just isn't as much emotion for me to release, one part because there just aren't as many sensory issues to talk about, two parts because my sweet boy is getting older and while i'm still likely to write about him and the things we do together, i want to be more careful about exposing the serious stuff to the world.
it's his story to tell.
if he wants to, when he wants to.
................
but what i would like to say is this: i am so stinkin thankful i get to be a mom to this boy. i adore who he is. i love every little snippet of his personality. i am in awe at the amazing things he does.
he is just such a great kid! a smart boy, a brave boy, a loving boy, a kind boy, a strong boy, an honest boy, an active boy.
yes, he's a boy who gets motion sickness. he's a boy who hates handwriting. he's a boy who makes the term picky-eater an understatement. he's a boy can rarely catch a football.
but there is not one single sensory issue that hinders who he is as a person.
he is not an either/or situation. he is not one thing in spite of the others. he is all the things.
my son is a mixture of so many beautiful characteristics which mesh together to create a masterpiece so stunning that sometimes, just by looking at him, it brings tears to my eyes.
