i had to schedule an emergency counseling session with dr. vermiller a few weeks back because of a family incident that got me stewing. after day three of frustration and self-loathing i reached out to ask for help. i'm so glad i did.
here's what i learned that morning in therapy:
1) i am a child of god, gifted with sensitivity, keen insight and intuition.
2) not everyone is gifted in this same way.
3) i am comfortable talking about things.
this is mostly because i know who i am and what i believe. pretending to be anything other than my real self just doesn't work for me. chatting about my feelings is not hard because i'm just sharing part of myself with others. debating with someone who carries a dissenting opinion is easy because being grounded in my own beliefs allows me the space to offer others the ability to be grounded in theirs. i'm open-hearted, willing to changing my opinion if so moved. i think the freedom with which i can discuss things is also due to an deep understanding that we're all in this together, we all experience pain. i know the pain goes away more quickly, and we feel less alone, if we talk about it.
now, when situations pop up that cause me to question myself? that's when i get back to therapy to get grounded again. (in fact i've got another appointment with the good doctor tomorrow).
4) not everyone is comfortable talking about things the way i am.
5) in order to be an authentic person one must be both vulnerable and assertive.
vulnerability is a keystone for authenticity. be who you are no matter what, even if it's scary. assertiveness, too, is important because people should feel confident expressing who they are, what they believe, what they like, what they don't like, what they want and how they feel. these are the qualities we need in order to show up and be real with each other.
6) authentic relationships (whether with a spouse, parent, child, friend) can only exist if people allow themselves to be vulnerable with others and feel comfortable being assertive with others.
7) not everyone is authentic. not everyone is capable of participating in an authentic relationship.
8) i can show grace to those who don't possess the same qualities i do, but i am not responsible for how they live their life or how they react to the way i chose to live mine.
9) my only obligation is to honor god with my words and deeds and thoughts; to be who he created me to be - a perceptive, self-actualized human being.
10) all this is much easier said than done!
11) all this is much easier when you have a therapist to coach you through it!!
so what about you? in what ways do you think you are gifted? are you a talker or a under-the-rug-sweeper? would you consider yourself an authentic person? is it easy for you to be vulnerable? how 'bout assertive? do you like reading about my therapy sessions??? :-)
happy monday to you all!