radio silence

it's been nearly one month since i've written about anything.

i've opened up my blog many times, stared at the blank screen, then shut down.

the things i'd like to write about are deep and it feels phony to post about the light and airy.

so i've stayed silent. 

i've been learning quite a bit about myself these past weeks (months? years?). i've been digging in to the things of my past and how they correlate to the things of my present and how they will continue to affect my future until i tell them to stop. i've felt a desperate need to write about it all - to get it out of my head and onto a page so that i don't have to think about it anymore - and yet i've written nothing. 

sometimes it's best, easier to leave things unsaid.

because they are really hard to talk about.

because feelings would undoubtedly get hurt and that's risky.

am i willing to trade peace of mind and growth and connection with my husband to spare others?

so far the answer has been yes.


the saying goes we can do hard things. i quote this to my boys often. but the saying doesn't go we can do really, really hard things.

and this feels really, really hard.

so i suppose what i'm going to do now is hit publish and let these words sit out in internet land while i build up my courage.

i'll be back.