Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
i'm too emotional to come up with a title
i have been mildly obsessed with the british royal family since i was a young girl. watching a real life prince marry a real life lady, which then turned her into a real life princess was beyond fascinating. it was dreamy. i remember watching diana walk down the aisle to meet her groom. the train of her dress and veil went on for days. i recall wondering if it was difficult for her to walk. i loved william and kate's wedding even more. jeremy makes fun of me for it, of course, but i'm not embarrassed. i think the royal family brings out the life-sometimes-really-is-a-fairytale side of me.
i've been loving the royal baby news coverage. i was happy they had a boy. not for any particular reason except you know how i love boys. i'm hedging my bets that they'll use the name spencer somewhere amongst the four or more names the new prince will be given as that was princess diana's maiden name. and wouldn't that just be an awesome way to honor her?
but even though their baby is a prince and the whole world is watching, they are still going through the same experience all us commoners have been through. they are brand new parents to a brand new child. they went into the hospital without a baby and came out of the hospital with one.
still to this very day i remember the strange feelings i had about how jeremy and i walked into the hospital as a couple and then they let us leave the hospital a few days later as a family. WITH A BABY.
into the hospital. no baby. out of the hospital. baby.
into the hospital. just people. out of the hospital. parents.
doesn't this strike anyone else as down right crazy?!
what's funny is the purple folder the hospital gave us. it contained tidbits like "your baby's poop should look like this..." and "your baby should be eating like this..." and "your baby should be sleeping like this...". i read through that violet-hued file repeatedly but it didn't come close to answering all my questions. still, the sentiment was here's your baby, here's your folder, go forth and prosper.
i cried as i sat in the wheelchair, holding a snugly buckled harrison in his car seat on my lap, while being pushed toward the hospital's exit. a giant bag of mixed emotions had positioned itself right on top of my chest. although i was asked repeatedly i could not completely identify what it was i was feeling.
jeremy brought the car around. the nurse listened for the locking sound as jeremy placed harrison's carrier into it's base. then she gave us the okay to leave. jeremy, harrison, me and our trusty information packet were safely loaded into the car. we pulled out of the valet area and turned right onto the street. in that moment our lives changed. and it does not matter what color the folder is or how much helpful insight it contains, nothing can prepare you for the moment your life changes.
today is harrison's final therapy session at STAR center. today i feel very much like that day so many years ago when they said it's time to check out of hospital and take your baby home.
i am scared.
it is scary leaving a place that has your best interests, and more so, the best interests of your baby at heart. it is scary leaving a place that is so knowledgeable and comforting and friendly and reassuring. it is scary leaving a place that you've relied on. it is very scary moving on into a new world of learning to rely on yourself.
it's hard to leave such a safe place.
yes, it's exciting. it's happy. it's a time to celebrate. but, for many reasons, my emotions are raw and ready. the tears come very quickly and i've been hard pressed to figure out why. i have been able to pin point some of the reasons - the fear factor, as mentioned above. but i think it's more than that. i think my tears come from an incredibly grateful heart. i am so very thankful for juliana, specifically, but for all the staff at STAR center who have walked beside us over the past eight months.
how do you say thank you to someone who does double fist pumps in the air because your son asserted himself and interjected a comment during an interaction with a peer? how do you say thank you to someone who gets even more excited than you do when she hears that your son initiated a conversation with another little boy while at the chickfila play area? how do you say thank you to someone who gives great suggestions about ways to get your son to wipe his own tooshie and then thinks it's absolutely amazing when he does just that? how do you say thank you to someone who is willing to step into a marriage and a family to help mediate some stressful things? how do you say thank you to someone who loves your child as much as you do and whose whole life is dedicated to helping him? how do you say thank you to someone for teaching you how to be a better parent to your son?
how do you say thank you to someone whose goal is to teach you the tools so that you won't need her anymore?
it really is the ultimate act of selflessness.
it is an unforgettable kindness.
it is a precious gift.
and it's hard to say goodbye to someone who has done so much for us.
as juliana brought to my attention, some of the emotion also probably comes from feeling so very accepted at STAR center. just like being in the hospital with a newborn, everyone is there to help you and no one there judges you. i don't have to explain anything to anyone. i do not need to be concerned about what harrison will do, how he will react, what he will say, what he won't say...whatever happens there is okay. the people there "get" it. they understand him. and they understand me. and they understand ALL THE THINGS that go along with him and me and us.
and it's hard to say goodbye to a place where you feel so understood.
one of the things i learned during my counseling session at the beginning of our time at STAR center was that it really is healing to write out my feelings. it's also healing to talk about them. apparently, every time i talk about or write about an emotional experience my brain literally shifts a little piece of that memory/data/whatever-the-heck-that-information-up-there-in-my-brain-is-called from my amygdala to my hippocampus. each time a bit of memory moves, a bit of raw emotion moves along with it. so over time i'll be able to talk about this subject (leaving STAR center) just as easily as i can now talk about what it was like to leave the hospital with my first born son.
but until then, one thing i know...actually two...okay, three...
1) royal or not, every baby is a prince or princess.
2) each new adventure our children bring into our lives will carry with it a mixed bag of emotions.
3) this is what turns our ordinary lives into grand and interesting fairytales.
i love you all. thank you for listening (aka reading).
i've been loving the royal baby news coverage. i was happy they had a boy. not for any particular reason except you know how i love boys. i'm hedging my bets that they'll use the name spencer somewhere amongst the four or more names the new prince will be given as that was princess diana's maiden name. and wouldn't that just be an awesome way to honor her?
but even though their baby is a prince and the whole world is watching, they are still going through the same experience all us commoners have been through. they are brand new parents to a brand new child. they went into the hospital without a baby and came out of the hospital with one.
still to this very day i remember the strange feelings i had about how jeremy and i walked into the hospital as a couple and then they let us leave the hospital a few days later as a family. WITH A BABY.
into the hospital. no baby. out of the hospital. baby.
into the hospital. just people. out of the hospital. parents.
doesn't this strike anyone else as down right crazy?!
what's funny is the purple folder the hospital gave us. it contained tidbits like "your baby's poop should look like this..." and "your baby should be eating like this..." and "your baby should be sleeping like this...". i read through that violet-hued file repeatedly but it didn't come close to answering all my questions. still, the sentiment was here's your baby, here's your folder, go forth and prosper.
i cried as i sat in the wheelchair, holding a snugly buckled harrison in his car seat on my lap, while being pushed toward the hospital's exit. a giant bag of mixed emotions had positioned itself right on top of my chest. although i was asked repeatedly i could not completely identify what it was i was feeling.
jeremy brought the car around. the nurse listened for the locking sound as jeremy placed harrison's carrier into it's base. then she gave us the okay to leave. jeremy, harrison, me and our trusty information packet were safely loaded into the car. we pulled out of the valet area and turned right onto the street. in that moment our lives changed. and it does not matter what color the folder is or how much helpful insight it contains, nothing can prepare you for the moment your life changes.
today is harrison's final therapy session at STAR center. today i feel very much like that day so many years ago when they said it's time to check out of hospital and take your baby home.
i am scared.
it is scary leaving a place that has your best interests, and more so, the best interests of your baby at heart. it is scary leaving a place that is so knowledgeable and comforting and friendly and reassuring. it is scary leaving a place that you've relied on. it is very scary moving on into a new world of learning to rely on yourself.
it's hard to leave such a safe place.
yes, it's exciting. it's happy. it's a time to celebrate. but, for many reasons, my emotions are raw and ready. the tears come very quickly and i've been hard pressed to figure out why. i have been able to pin point some of the reasons - the fear factor, as mentioned above. but i think it's more than that. i think my tears come from an incredibly grateful heart. i am so very thankful for juliana, specifically, but for all the staff at STAR center who have walked beside us over the past eight months.
how do you say thank you to someone who does double fist pumps in the air because your son asserted himself and interjected a comment during an interaction with a peer? how do you say thank you to someone who gets even more excited than you do when she hears that your son initiated a conversation with another little boy while at the chickfila play area? how do you say thank you to someone who gives great suggestions about ways to get your son to wipe his own tooshie and then thinks it's absolutely amazing when he does just that? how do you say thank you to someone who is willing to step into a marriage and a family to help mediate some stressful things? how do you say thank you to someone who loves your child as much as you do and whose whole life is dedicated to helping him? how do you say thank you to someone for teaching you how to be a better parent to your son?
how do you say thank you to someone whose goal is to teach you the tools so that you won't need her anymore?
it really is the ultimate act of selflessness.
it is an unforgettable kindness.
it is a precious gift.
and it's hard to say goodbye to someone who has done so much for us.
as juliana brought to my attention, some of the emotion also probably comes from feeling so very accepted at STAR center. just like being in the hospital with a newborn, everyone is there to help you and no one there judges you. i don't have to explain anything to anyone. i do not need to be concerned about what harrison will do, how he will react, what he will say, what he won't say...whatever happens there is okay. the people there "get" it. they understand him. and they understand me. and they understand ALL THE THINGS that go along with him and me and us.
and it's hard to say goodbye to a place where you feel so understood.
one of the things i learned during my counseling session at the beginning of our time at STAR center was that it really is healing to write out my feelings. it's also healing to talk about them. apparently, every time i talk about or write about an emotional experience my brain literally shifts a little piece of that memory/data/whatever-the-heck-that-information-up-there-in-my-brain-is-called from my amygdala to my hippocampus. each time a bit of memory moves, a bit of raw emotion moves along with it. so over time i'll be able to talk about this subject (leaving STAR center) just as easily as i can now talk about what it was like to leave the hospital with my first born son.
but until then, one thing i know...actually two...okay, three...
1) royal or not, every baby is a prince or princess.
2) each new adventure our children bring into our lives will carry with it a mixed bag of emotions.
3) this is what turns our ordinary lives into grand and interesting fairytales.
i love you all. thank you for listening (aka reading).
Friday, July 5, 2013
a guessing game - winner!
the correct answer to my last post was B: the sound the legos make while he's searching for a piece is too loud.
my sensory over-responsive child is deeply bothered by the loud-to-him noise his legos make when he's digging through them or dumping them out to find a certain piece. it is very interesting to me how something so simple - something i wouldn't ever have noticed - can be so disruptive to him. i love how harrison makes me think about things in an entirely new way.
i hope this little contest helped you understand how an everyday activity can be different/difficult for a sensory kid.
although 147 people read my post only eight were brave enough to comment. out of those eight, two people guessed correctly. good guessing, ladies!
we chose a winner in an incredibly sophisticated way...
congratulations to...
washington girls, consider yourself ten dollars richer! :-)
a special shout out to hannah ottley who has a deep understanding of how harrison's mind works. she knew instantly that the correct answer was B and was the first person to respond, albeit on facebook, so i didn't include her in the drawing. but i'm sending you a little special something in the mail, hannah! i'm so happy to know you and so thankful for how smart you are and for how you "get" harrison! you and your whole family are a treasure!
my sensory over-responsive child is deeply bothered by the loud-to-him noise his legos make when he's digging through them or dumping them out to find a certain piece. it is very interesting to me how something so simple - something i wouldn't ever have noticed - can be so disruptive to him. i love how harrison makes me think about things in an entirely new way.
i hope this little contest helped you understand how an everyday activity can be different/difficult for a sensory kid.
although 147 people read my post only eight were brave enough to comment. out of those eight, two people guessed correctly. good guessing, ladies!
we chose a winner in an incredibly sophisticated way...
congratulations to...
washington girls, consider yourself ten dollars richer! :-)
a special shout out to hannah ottley who has a deep understanding of how harrison's mind works. she knew instantly that the correct answer was B and was the first person to respond, albeit on facebook, so i didn't include her in the drawing. but i'm sending you a little special something in the mail, hannah! i'm so happy to know you and so thankful for how smart you are and for how you "get" harrison! you and your whole family are a treasure!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
a guessing game
*update: this contest is now closed. i'll announce the winner in a separate post.
i thought it might be fun to host a little contest.
look at the following photos...
now answer this question...
why does my son prefer to wear headphones while he plays with his legos?
a: he's trying to drown out the sounds of his annoying younger brother
b: the sound the legos make while he's searching for a piece is too loud
c: he thinks they make him look cool
d: listening to music helps him concentrate
e: listening to music helps him relax
f: his ears get cold easily
if you would like to participate in the guessing game, leave a comment with your answer.
i will mail a crisp ten dollar* bill to the person who answers the question correctly. if many people get the answer right, i'll draw a random winner from the pool of correct responses. this contest is open to anyone so feel free to pass it along to your friends. comments will stay open until thursday night, july 4th. i'll announce a winner on july 5th.
*$10 isn't much, but it'll buy an ice cream cone! and, really, what's better than an ice cream cone?!
i thought it might be fun to host a little contest.
look at the following photos...
now answer this question...
why does my son prefer to wear headphones while he plays with his legos?
a: he's trying to drown out the sounds of his annoying younger brother
b: the sound the legos make while he's searching for a piece is too loud
c: he thinks they make him look cool
d: listening to music helps him concentrate
e: listening to music helps him relax
f: his ears get cold easily
if you would like to participate in the guessing game, leave a comment with your answer.
i will mail a crisp ten dollar* bill to the person who answers the question correctly. if many people get the answer right, i'll draw a random winner from the pool of correct responses. this contest is open to anyone so feel free to pass it along to your friends. comments will stay open until thursday night, july 4th. i'll announce a winner on july 5th.
*$10 isn't much, but it'll buy an ice cream cone! and, really, what's better than an ice cream cone?!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
meet vinny
i know, i know.
bad blogger.
very bad blogger.
but i have an excuse! it's summer! and my children are out of school! and i'm LOVING our unscheduled, don't-have-to-be-anywhere-at-8am mornings! and i don't want to bother with photographing life because i'm too busy living it and relaxing in it and drinking an extra cup of coffee while reading books in it and coming up with crazy activities to keep my boys active in it.
so summer has been fantastic! but it's also not exactly conducive to blogging.
aaaaaand, aside from all that...
we've been taking care of this little guy...
well hello there you cutie patootie fluffball boy. want to come to the white house and hang out with us while your family is on vacation for a week?
this is vinny. he's the sweetest, gentlest, softest, most fun puppy i've ever encountered.
and guess who his new best friend is...
yup, that would be harrison.
the boy who is deathly afraid of dogs has overcome that fear thanks to this new precious friend.
the boy who is oversensitive to touch of all kinds has allowed vinny to tickle him with his tail, lick him with his tongue, gently nip at him with his teeth, and jump on him with his paws.
the boy who completely avoids dogs now approaches vinny with confidence, picks him up with ease, attaches the leash and loves to lead him on walks. harrison also seeks out opportunities to play with vinny, pet him and feed him treats.
we are so very thankful for vinny's sweet little personality and easy demeanor.
we are so very thankful for the opportunity to take care of him this week.
we are so very thankful his presence in our home has been such a healing experience!
now if this cute boy isn't a great excuse for my lack of blog posting, what is?
bad blogger.
very bad blogger.
but i have an excuse! it's summer! and my children are out of school! and i'm LOVING our unscheduled, don't-have-to-be-anywhere-at-8am mornings! and i don't want to bother with photographing life because i'm too busy living it and relaxing in it and drinking an extra cup of coffee while reading books in it and coming up with crazy activities to keep my boys active in it.
so summer has been fantastic! but it's also not exactly conducive to blogging.
aaaaaand, aside from all that...
we've been taking care of this little guy...
this is vinny. he's the sweetest, gentlest, softest, most fun puppy i've ever encountered.
and guess who his new best friend is...
yup, that would be harrison.
the boy who is deathly afraid of dogs has overcome that fear thanks to this new precious friend.
the boy who is oversensitive to touch of all kinds has allowed vinny to tickle him with his tail, lick him with his tongue, gently nip at him with his teeth, and jump on him with his paws.
the boy who completely avoids dogs now approaches vinny with confidence, picks him up with ease, attaches the leash and loves to lead him on walks. harrison also seeks out opportunities to play with vinny, pet him and feed him treats.
we are so very thankful for vinny's sweet little personality and easy demeanor.
we are so very thankful for the opportunity to take care of him this week.
we are so very thankful his presence in our home has been such a healing experience!
now if this cute boy isn't a great excuse for my lack of blog posting, what is?
Thursday, May 23, 2013
just some stuff while you're waiting for the real stuff
you guys.
here's the problem - my normal writing time is while the kiddos are at school. but the past two weeks have brought field days and water fun days and kindergarten celebrations and class picnics and preschool graduations and i'm telling you the end of the school year is trying to kill me.
so i'm thinking i'm going to have to start writing at night after the boys go to bed. otherwise this here blog may just never see me again. so until i can get my self coordinated like that's ever going to happen here are some things that i've been loving lately.
i'm going to get my haircut today! like this perhaps.
this is the best stuff ever - loreal sublime bronze sunless tanning lotion
i have been eating this for breakfast - chia pudding - i eat mine with strawberries. it's light and
refreshing and filling and healthy.
this article was awesome - the F word by jennifer weiner
i just ordered these shoes for summer. so excited for them to get here!
i just ordered this dress to wear to a wedding that's coming up in beloved oklahoma city praying for you, moore! on june 9th. let's hope it fits! so excited to see all my oklahoma peeps!
this article touched me deeply - a mountain i'm willing to die on by momastery
we've been hooked on children's books by oliver jeffers. this moose belongs to me cracks me up as does the great paper caper. very clever and witty.
we've also just finished reading the lion, the witch and the wardrobe and are going this afternoon to check out the next book in the series - the horse and his boy. it's awesome reading these books out loud to the boys. lewis used all kinds of words that i don't necessarily want my boys saying but feel the need to read just as it was written because, i mean, it's c.s. lewis. phrases like, "shut up, you prig" which, in all honesty, would be a very accurate word to call my black-and-white-thinking, ever-the-rule-follower, eldest son. but, all the same, i don't want any name-calling around here. whether it's accurate or not. hehehe
ok i think that's all i got.
hopefully sometime soon i'll be able to write to you again about the real things in our lives - the continuation of jeremy's and my dating story, how STAR is going, what i learned about my own brain and why it's so helpful and healing to write about the tough stuff, the silly things graham does, why it is so, so great living in colorado, etc etc etc
until then...
**edited to add: i forgot to tell you about this book. how i could forget to tell you about this book?! i loved, loved, loved it. if this doesn't inspire you, i don't know what will - wild: from lost to found on the pacific crest trail.
here's the problem - my normal writing time is while the kiddos are at school. but the past two weeks have brought field days and water fun days and kindergarten celebrations and class picnics and preschool graduations and i'm telling you the end of the school year is trying to kill me.
so i'm thinking i'm going to have to start writing at night after the boys go to bed. otherwise this here blog may just never see me again. so until i can get my self coordinated like that's ever going to happen here are some things that i've been loving lately.
i'm going to get my haircut today! like this perhaps.
this is the best stuff ever - loreal sublime bronze sunless tanning lotion
i have been eating this for breakfast - chia pudding - i eat mine with strawberries. it's light and
refreshing and filling and healthy.
this article was awesome - the F word by jennifer weiner
i just ordered these shoes for summer. so excited for them to get here!
i just ordered this dress to wear to a wedding that's coming up in beloved oklahoma city praying for you, moore! on june 9th. let's hope it fits! so excited to see all my oklahoma peeps!
this article touched me deeply - a mountain i'm willing to die on by momastery
we've been hooked on children's books by oliver jeffers. this moose belongs to me cracks me up as does the great paper caper. very clever and witty.
we've also just finished reading the lion, the witch and the wardrobe and are going this afternoon to check out the next book in the series - the horse and his boy. it's awesome reading these books out loud to the boys. lewis used all kinds of words that i don't necessarily want my boys saying but feel the need to read just as it was written because, i mean, it's c.s. lewis. phrases like, "shut up, you prig" which, in all honesty, would be a very accurate word to call my black-and-white-thinking, ever-the-rule-follower, eldest son. but, all the same, i don't want any name-calling around here. whether it's accurate or not. hehehe
ok i think that's all i got.
hopefully sometime soon i'll be able to write to you again about the real things in our lives - the continuation of jeremy's and my dating story, how STAR is going, what i learned about my own brain and why it's so helpful and healing to write about the tough stuff, the silly things graham does, why it is so, so great living in colorado, etc etc etc
until then...
**edited to add: i forgot to tell you about this book. how i could forget to tell you about this book?! i loved, loved, loved it. if this doesn't inspire you, i don't know what will - wild: from lost to found on the pacific crest trail.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
real life conversation
hi folks.
i'm in the middle of writing a couple stories that aren't yet ready to be published. so, in the meantime, i'll leave you with a conversation that took place yesterday. it struck me as quite humorous...and a sign of the times.
the scene: driving in the car with both boys
harrison: mommy, how can birds sit on the electrical wires without getting electrocuted?
me: you know what, buddy, i have absolutely no idea.
harrison: well, why don't you ask your phone?
thank god for siri.
incidentally, when i asked siri "how do birds sit on an electrical wire without being electrocuted" she responded with "i don't get it" but then decided to search the web for me anyway. ever the helpful assistant.
i'm in the middle of writing a couple stories that aren't yet ready to be published. so, in the meantime, i'll leave you with a conversation that took place yesterday. it struck me as quite humorous...and a sign of the times.
the scene: driving in the car with both boys
harrison: mommy, how can birds sit on the electrical wires without getting electrocuted?
me: you know what, buddy, i have absolutely no idea.
harrison: well, why don't you ask your phone?
thank god for siri.
incidentally, when i asked siri "how do birds sit on an electrical wire without being electrocuted" she responded with "i don't get it" but then decided to search the web for me anyway. ever the helpful assistant.
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