number thirty and a confession or two
so...we went to the treehouse yesterday. i was impressed with the progress but discouraged by the amount of work that still needs to be done. the most overwhelming thing to me was balancing keeping my boys entertained and trying to be productive. i did not find success at either.
i woke up in the night with pain in my temple, behind my left eye and in the left side of my neck and shoulder. i drove the boys home this morning. my brain felt foggy and it probably wasn't the safest decision to drive, but it was certainly saner than staying up at the condo, longing for a dark quiet room, while my boys get into papa's tools and try to kill each other.
confession #1: my migraines do not always make me more patient with my children. this morning i yelled at them and freaked out and caused lots of unnecessary stress for everyone. pain + construction zone = crazy mommy.
confession #2: there are two types of people in this world - those who like to do things themselves and those who like to pay people to do things for them. i am 100% totally and completely the second type of person. god bless DIYers, but i am not one of them. note even close.
as i was lying in bed last night, covering my nose with the sheet and blankets because the dust is SO THICK in the loft and i wanted to create a protective layer between it and me, i was planning how i was going to vacuum the ceilings and all the beams and every inch of that condo. when i was driving home this morning i was daydreaming about who i could hire to vacuum the dust from every square inch of the condo.
i carry a lot of stress. confession #3: i create a lot of stress for myself. when i feel stress my brain and my body freak out. i just don't handle it well at all. and listen, i'm working on it. i'm in therapy. i'm trying to become more zen. but i think part of becoming more zen is 1) to know myself better, to understand how i operate 2) to focus more on the positive and learn better how to cope but, most importantly, 3) to not put myself in stressful situations in the first place!
it is much healthier for me to pay someone else to carry the stress for me.
so that's where i'm at today. longing to hire someone to just finish the dang condo already. stressed because i know that's not going to happen.
what am i thankful for?
i guess i'm thankful that my mother and father-in-law are better able to handle the stress of this project than i am. i am thankful they are able to focus on the positive and continue to persevere through the dust and through my drama. i am thankful they have a vision for what the condo will be - a place to bond with each other, to create memories, to relax after long days of skiing, a place that will be a blessing to us and to others.
i am so very blessed to call them mom and dad.
and here are the photos of how the treehouse looked yesterday: