Friday, February 7, 2014

a bit of free therapy advice for you

our psychologist said something to jeremy and me yesterday which i found so powerful:

an expectation 
is an offense 
waiting to happen

it doesn't matter what type of relationship, whether it's with my spouse, my children, my friends, my co-workers, my parents, my in-laws...

if i have unrealistic, unreasonable, or most often in my case unSPOKEN expectations...

i am setting everyone up for failure. 

in order to have fruitful relationships i must measure my own expectations. what are my children actually capable of in this situation? have i voiced my expectation to my husband? am i being realistic about so-and-so or such-and-such? 

avoiding the sometimes difficult work of asking tough questions (of myself), altering my expectations, letting go of unreasonable hopes and explaining my thoughts breeds frustration, impatience, anger and resentment.

this places the people i love in an impossible position, where they will never be able to meet my standards.

and i set myself up to be offended and disappointed.

conversely, if i can take a few moments to figure out if my expectations are realistic, reasonable and then explain my expectations (and discuss them, being open to adjusting them) i will put my loved ones in a position to succeed!

and i set myself up to encourage and support and praise...which creates an environment (a relationship) full of peace and joy and love.

expectations can be a very good thing.

but out of control expectations will bring disconnect every single time.


No comments: