oh, to be so blessed

in an effort to alleviate the 98 degree, sweltering, stifling, suffocating heat, i thought it might be nice to take harrison swimming.  which, of course, meant that i needed to purchase a new swimsuit.  the ones i have simply won't fit over my baby bump.  so, after a brief search, i found this one at target.

the thing i didn't realize about maternity swimsuits (even though i did try it on in the dressing room) is that they are cut "way down to here".  i'm sure the theory is to draw the eye up...to the chest...so that the eye won't notice the rest of me. 

"accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative".  that's the saying, right?  

well, i'm not so sure, at this point in my pregnancy, that my chest is a positive.  my husband, on the other hand, is quite sure.

too much information, i know.  but i'm certain you understand exactly what i'm talking about.  i mean, what is it with men, anyway?  (that's an entirely different post...so i'll get back to the topic at hand).

swimsuit purchasing criteria:

cute?  i think so

comfortable?  yes, actually, it's one of the most comfortable swimsuits i've ever owned

modest?  well, not so much.  

especially given the fact that my new measurement is a G.  

yes, you read that correctly.  i apologize if this declaration made you spit out your coffee...all over your computer screen.

G.  

as in Gynormus.

all i can say is...my cup certainly runneth over.

children's museum

i took harrison to the children's museum this afternoon.  these were the only pictures i was able to get.  he was not at all interested in holding still.  and, certainly, wasn't interested in taking time to pose or smile at the camera!  i think he had fun.  but most of our time there was spent watching the "big kids".  boy, are they interesting!!

above, he was playing in the workshop.  below, we were in the fire station.  harrison wasn't so sure about that big, huge, faceless fireman.  

(note to my friend kylie:  you may need to start preparing cal now so he doesn't get frightened of daddy in his gear!)   : )

the law of attraction vs. God is in control - part one

last week, due to the looming possibility that we may be facing some developmental problems with harrison, i was crippled with worry and, worse, guilt.  i felt as though i caused these issues to arise.  i convinced myself that my fear of autism is exactly what brought autism into our lives.  

after all, this is society's latest theory about life.  i saw it on oprah, so it must be true.  right?  

what i'm referring to is The Secret.  the law of attraction.  which states that what you put out into the universe is what you will get back.  essentially, if one thinks positive thoughts (i am rich, i am powerful, i desirable), then those thoughts will turn into positive results (a financial windfall, a prestigious job, a mate).  the same is true if one sends negative thoughts out into the universe.  they will end up reaping negative results.

i was fearful of autism from the very beginning, especially because it is so prevalent in boys (1 out of 94).  i tried to do things that i thought would help prevent it.  i seriously cut down the amount of immunizations i gave him.  i never allowed an immunization if he had been recently sick.  i switched to natural cleaning products (vinegar & baking soda).  i fed almost all organic food.  i played and played and interacted and talked and read and watched very closely for "signs" of something wrong.  

in the end, maybe all these preventative measures were put out into the universe as negative thoughts.  maybe i wound up reaping negative results onto my son.  the thought of this was completely unbearable. 

interesting that i shared these thoughts with two friends.  both experienced the same thing. one recently suffered a miscarriage and was convinced that she caused it to happen because miscarriage was her worst fear and her constant worry.  the other friend's father was recently diagnosed with cancer.  she was convinced she had caused this because she had been reading a book about prostate cancer and had become overwhelmed by the thought of someone in her family having it.  

so, what am i supposed to think about all this?  three women, three totally different situations. all three experienced the same type of feeling about the trials in their lives. 

i pondered this a long time.  well, a week.  but, i really did wrestle with the subject.  where does God fit in with The Secret???

thanks to much thought...and prayer (both on your part and mine), i have come to an answer. 

God DOES NOT fit in with The Secret.  

there is no secret.  there is only God.

and it is He, not me, that is in control of everything.

including the development of a precious little boy.

to be continued....

just a few more random shots

carrying his first backpack (actually a pretty heavy load!).  he was so proud of himself!

outside in the yard with papa.

what could be more fun than a laundry hamper?  

watching baby einstein...in his "lazy-boy"...while holding the remote control.  the sad thing is, i think he gets this behavior from me...not from daddy.  

catching up - photos from the past three months

harrison loves to "cook" like mama.

playing with the remote control...and, it is hard to see, but he loves taking mama's credit cards out of her wallet.

who knew sweeping was so fun?

playing with daddy.

wearing mama's fleece vest.  love that sweet face.  and miss that precious hair!!

harrison's first shiner

last sunday harrison fell out of one of the living room chairs.  unfortunately, his face broke the fall.  it wasn't long before a nice bruise developed above and below his eye.  i love the "mug shot" of him above.

have you ever tried to hold an ice pack on a toddler???  it's a fun experience.

nothing a little apple juice and a few kisses & hugs can't fix.  he became a happy boy again. 

the funny thing was that we had his 15-month check-up the next morning.  i seriously debated canceling for fear that child protective services would be called!  : )  thankfully, margaret (our favorite p.a.) wasn't phased at all.  she knows how loved and nurtured our sweet boy is! 

breakfast

nothing better than peanut butter & blackberry jam toast...and blueberry yogurt...and bananas...all over the face of a sweet little boy!  

it has been toooooo long since i've uploaded photos of harrison.  (did that "toooooo" bother you, dalene?)  my poor mother (in china) has been pestering me for months about needing to see her grandchild.  being the bad daughter that i am, i have not yet obliged her.  so, just prepare yourself for image-overload.

lessons learned

so, what is a girl supposed to learn when...

1) she buys a bag of m&m's (not the individual bag, mind you...i'm talking the 14 ouncer)

2) cuts a tiny hole in the top so she can pour some into her hand and eat them

3) stores the opened bag in the fridge

4) then, the next night, because the m&m's are not pouring fast enough, she cuts a BIGGER hole...making sure to be careful not to pour them into her hand as before...rather, she puts her hand in the bag and pulls out a few

5) then, the next night, she forgets that she cut the BIGGER hole, and begins to pour as usual

6) and m&m's go ALL OVER the kitchen floor???

hmmm...i guess the moral of the story is: DO NOT EAT M&M'S WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED OUT!!!!  

i'm going back to the snicker's ice cream bars.  : )  

and, by the way, i have not gained any weight in the last two months.  so, things are obviously working themselves out!  take that, you mean church lady!  

***on a serious note*** we are doing much better today than we were monday.  we absolutely feel your prayers!  thank you!  now that we have stepped around the panic and worry, we can see things with a much more hopeful and encouraged perspective.  and, thanks to many friends who are willing to help out and offer advice, we feel so very supported.  so, again, thanks!!  we will keep you posted.  

harrison can hear!

well, of course, i knew this all along.  what we were checking was to make sure he can distinctly hear the consonants we say to him.  apparently, his hearing is a-okay.  we are so thankful.

the exam, on the other hand, was not a-okay.  the boy cried so hard he gave himself petechial hemorrhages under both eyes.  

picture this:  pregnant me, lying on an exam table; harrison, lying on his back, on TOP of me; my legs are crossed over his legs to keep him from kicking; i'm bear-hugging him to keep his arms from moving; a nurse holding his head still; the audiologist attempting to make silly faces and reassure him; and a doctor digging in harrison's ears with a small metal instrument to remove ear wax.  

yes, it was the start of a very good day.  sigh.  

one exam down...many more to go...

please pray

harrison had a 15-month check-up yesterday.  after seeing him, and talking with me, the doctor thought it prudent to schedule a few evaluations to make sure harrison is developing properly. we have audiology, speech pathology, early childhood development, and autism evaluations on the horizon.  obviously, this is a bit unsettling...and jer & i are having a difficult time not allowing worry to overcome us. 

please be praying...for peace. for wisdom. and, really, for all the things that i simply don't have words to describe at the moment.  

to my beloved on our anniversary

it has been four years since i kissed you on that beautiful porch in oklahoma.  and, yet, it seems like yesterday.  i've only known you five years.  but, yet, i feel as though i have known you my entire life.  

i recently read this quote: "you can only be loved to the extent that you are known".  

i must say, you know me oh so well.  and you love me even better.  i will spend the rest of my days striving to love you as much as humanly possible.

i praise God for the ways in which He has richly blessed us.  and i pray that our marriage will continue to glorify Him.  

i love you with all my heart.

it's a BOY!

we had our 20-week ultrasound yesterday.  all is well.  

the little mister was not at all shy about showing us his "goods".  we could not be more excited!

he did stay true to form, however...becoming quite uncooperative about his positioning.  the technician wasn't able to get all the pictures she needed.  

this child has caused his mother more tears and panic attacks in his short 20 weeks than harrison has in his 14 months.  at our 8-week ultrasound, he didn't want to be found.  i actually told the doctor, "well, the pregnancy test was positive".  eventually, he made his grand appearance.  at 16 weeks, he didn't want us to hear his heartbeat.  i laid on the table crying while the doctor ran out to get the ultrasound machine.  and there he was, with his perfect heartbeat, just choosing to hide from us.  at that point i told the doctor, "i think this one is going to be a trouble-maker", to which he agreed.  

we were convinced that our little trouble-maker was a girl because of the insane migraines i've been getting.  (seriously, insane).  but we are so pleasantly surprised to find out it's a BOY! 

thanks be to God for a healthy baby boy!