Monday, April 15, 2013

we can't be mary all the time...but we should focus on the times we are!

i wrote the other day about how we moms have it within ourselves to be mary poppins to our kids.

not ten minutes after i hit publish on that post i was smacked with the realization that i also have it within myself to be cruella de vil.

let me break it down for you:

graham was blowing a loud, high-pitched whistle inside the house and the first couple times i asked him to stopped fell on deaf ears he, literally, may not have been able to hear me, that whistle was so dang loud and the next couple times i told him to stop still weren't successful and when i finally aggressively swiped the whistle out of his mouth, threw it across the room and yelled at him, he went and hid in the corner.

then, jeremy, who was working from home, came upstairs to the kitchen looking for lunch and he got annoyed and complained because one of the boys was continually banging on the front door and i snapped at him and told him that's how i feel when he comes upstairs to look for lunch - annoyed.

sometimes i blow it as a mom.

and a wife.

and those times are more frequent than i care to admit.

sadly, on this particular day, i was rushing to get harrison to his appointment at STAR so even though i was still fuming i had to pull it together enough to sit down and chat with graham. i couldn't leave without bridging the giant disconnect between us. i had just a few minutes to apologize, explain that i made a wrong choice, that i treated him poorly, that mommies do that sometimes, but i always love him no matter what, and ask him for forgiveness. we cuddled on the couch for a brief moment. enough that i was able to leave the house without feeling like the worst mom in the world...even though i still felt like the worst mom in the world.

the apology i owed jer had to wait until we were on the road. i called him, admitted i was wrong and so sorry for being so cranky and rude. as always, he was quick to forgive. god bless that man! i'm so happy he's my husband! but i still felt like the worst wife in the world.

all i can do when i mess up is ask myself this question: what could i have done differently? followed by this statement: i will do better next time.

i attended a woman's retreat over the weekend and one of the things i heard really struck me. the speaker was talking about excellence. in motherhood, in wifehood, in womanhood, in life. she said, it is not humanly possible for us to be excellent all the time.

we need to accept that.

mary poppins doesn't exist, people. we can emulate her sometimes but being "practically perfect in every way" is an unrealistic goal. there will be times when we fall short but we should never let our failures overshadow our victories. despite our mistakes, god can still use us. despite our mistakes, our kids will still flourish. despite our mistakes, our marriages can still be strong. despite our mistakes, life is still worth living.

it is okay to focus on the good, the excellent, the times we win, the times we successfully channeled the mary poppins within us.

all those other times? the cruella de vil moments? learn from 'em...apologize for 'em...forgive yourself for 'em...then forget about 'em.

despite cruella, you can still be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!


1 comment:

April said...

I can totally relate, Rachel. There are too many moments where I feel like the worst mom in the world. Thank you for your words.